HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME :)

You feel as if you have to fight for what you want early in the month. The Mars Pluto standoff has you on edge, especially in the job arena. You never were a pushover, so why start now? Pluto has a way of making one feel powerless, but look to see where you do have power, and come from that place instead. Love and romance are there for the taking on the March 21st full moon.

this is my horoscope for febuary, it kinda answers some questions i've had recently. kinda creepy really.

Finally, after ten weeks of retrograde chaos, your ruler Mars is moving forward once again! It's been frustrating to say the least, but your confusion about a family or parental issue now clears. Of course you want to do something with your newfound clarity, but cool your jets before you go blasting off in a new direction. Communicator Mercury is in retrograde now until the 18th. Think about things before you go off and say or do something you might regret later (you know you do that sometimes). It's all systems go after the 18th.

i need to update this more i think. i'm rather lame and boring though. i never think to just update with normal everyday stuff. i only ever seem to write here when i have something to bitch about. I could be writing about the cool annoying things my kids do.

Connor now knows how to use the word abomination. Naomi got 2 stuffed animal for Christmas with magnetic arms,legs and heads that you can change to the others body. Connor took the body and made legs for it with metal balls and plastic pegs with magnets for legs. he was look mommy look at my abomination.

Naomi is a little (HUGE) drama queen. he things is to now run and hide under the blankets of my bed and yell im mad at everyone. She hates Harry Potter movies and any other movie that Connor wants to watch. She will watch the same veggie tales/franklin/princess movie 4000 times a day but gets pissy if anyone else wants to watch something.

Connor is into pirates,zombies and skeletons. He told me once that if i got my brain eaten by zombies and turned into one he would kill all of them and get my brain back so i could be mommy again.

Last week i over heard the kids sitting on the couch talking about paintball hoppers. They are only 5 and 3. They know more about paintball now then i did 6 months ago. Connor keeps asking me when he will be able to go play :)

yes like the title says i'm back :) My new meds are working wonders. i feel like me again and i have energy like i haven't had for months. i'm still not back to 100% but im getting there. i now can get out of bed and stay out :)

things are looking up for sure. I got a mouse for my pc again from one of the people i play wow with, Thanks Braun :) i now can listen to music again so thats a big help along with the meds working. The weather has been so nice and warm considering it is now mid-November. I'm still waiting for spring so the warmth and sunshine come back. Its pissing rain and off now and there is a warning for snow squalls tonight :( but in a weird way im hoping for the snow to come so no more rain. I'm sure some will beat me for this but i am a fan of global warming cause i hate the cold more than anything else i could ever hate.

i picked up a tank for my paint ball gun today. A friend had one that he didn't need so i got it. Its only a co2 20 oz tank and i really wanted a 48/3000 psi HPA tank. oh well at least i can use my gun now :) Next on my list is a remote line, a v-force profiler and a 14-16 inch barrel. Hey Santa if your reading I've been a good girl :)

as i was laying in bed this morning i was thinking about my life and how much it seems like i can't or haven't done. I look at my YOUNGER siblings and they all have gone to school to some degree after graduating. i can't even really put the thoughts into words now anymore. i feel not so much a failure as just a let down. I'm i not cut out for the real world? to be an adult and deal with all the crap that goes along with it? Why can't i be a morning person and get up early and make my kids a great breakfast? Why can't i keep things all neat and tidy? why couldn't i have made a better wife? this isn't whining or ranting but merely questions I'm asking myself. Do my parents think less of me cause I'm not as accomplished as my younger 3 brothers and my sister? Did they not give me enough rules and chores and crap to do when i was younger? Is there something i should be doing to make sure my kids don't turn out like me? maybe I'm just defective and need some one to look after me. Why can't i work? why can't i be successful and have a good paying job and not need to rely on someone else? I have so many doubts about myself right now and maybe i'm just not cut out to be a wife/mother. My life now is not how i ever would have guessed and I'm jealous of those people i know with "normal" lives and families.

This time 5 years ago Connor was about an hour and a 1/2 old. Today is his 5th birthday :) He is having a real party today. There will be a couple of friends from his jk/sk class this year, and a couple of kids from his class last year that he is still friends with. Its going to be crazy and fun :) The party is suppose to start at 3pm so lets hope it all goes well :)

so i decided to take up a new hobby, paint ball. I went to play for the first time on sunday at Day of the Day, put on by Flagswipe. OMFG it kicked ass. i was so freaked out at first. I was scared of getting shot and having it really REALLY hurt. Once i got shot it was all good. I started to get into and got shot quite alot more. For the record the paint tastes like shit. i got shot in the head a few times but the balls bounced. I took 3 hits in the neck, arm and ass for the undead general. My first hit was on the inside of my right leg on my knee. bugger that one hurt. i got shot in the legs a few times. The funniest part was when i got pinned down with a guy behind a pile of logs and there was so much paint being shot back and forth the splatter was like orange rain. I got hit and decided to go out rather than use a medic tag cause i was just about out of air. It was the best thing i think i have ever decided to do. I now have my own paintball gun, a Tippmann A-5. Its very cool. I still have a few things to buy for it. So if anyone is stuck for gift ideas for things to get me, paintball suff is a good idea :)

So i decided to go for it and bought a paid LJ account. I just got 2 months to try it out and mayne then i'll go all the way and get a full year.

Things are going well. Day of the Dead is on sunday. I'm fully prepared to get all shot to hell but its going to be fun as hell :)

ARGGGGGGGGGGG i need a day off, or even time to go grocery shopping by myself. Instead i drown my frustrations in loud music. good thing my landlord isn't home

some one please save me from my own bitchiness and kids that WON'T STOP FIGHTING

After having my doubts that Kevin would come through and bring me his extra paint ball stuff and other gear he never used, he actually brought the stuff over to me today. So now i have a mask, hat, jacket, and brand new gloves that fit perfect. The Jacket was a bit big so i washed it and dried it and now it fits pretty well. I still need to roll the sleeves up once. I also found my pair of hiking style boots that i can wear as well. Now all i need are a pair of pants and a pod belt. WOOHOO I'm getting so excited about going. Now all i need to do is hope that there is room for me to go and a marker for me to borrow. To bad i had to wait till the end of the season to start.

So i caved and had ONE can of pepsi today. The lowering meds have been going well. I didn't have the pepsi cause i needed to. I had it cause i love the taste and the refreshing fizziness :P

I got a sweet ass phone today cause my other one isn't working. I got a black Motorla RAZR V3c. I love it. i wish i had gotten one like it sooner.